In response to “An Open Letter to God from Michael Moore“
In my Name (the most powerful and most merciful God)
Dear Mr. Moore:
I was delighted to receive your letter and noted its content. Although I am happy to hear from all of my servants, I am especially pleased to hear from old seminarians who spend their lives trying to enlighten others. Nevertheless, I want you to know that there are a few issues in your letter that are of concern to me. I am particularly troubled that you, among all of my servants, boasted about the help you provided the Katrina and Rita victims who suffered due to the incompetence and mismanagement of the Republican Administration. Don’t you know that I prefer those who help others in total anonymity? So when I get you up here, I will discuss this with you further (please remind me as my mind is all over the place). In the meantime keep up the good work, my child.
Now let me get to the second issue in your letter, the issue of James Dobson, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. I cringe with pain and anger when I hear their names and want you to swear that you will never mention them even if you decide to break your promise and invoke my name once more. They have sold their souls for a few pieces of silver and one day I will get them for that.
As for Hurricane Gustav, you see, I really didn’t want to scare anyone. I appointed an angel to take charge of the storm and when he/she/it (forgive the confusion as I am getting old and forgetful) saw that Bush, McCain AND Palin (she really has cheek to appear in that party) were planning to gather for their convention, the angel got livid and decided to scare the heck out of them. Would you blame her/him/it for that? Wouldn’t you have done the same thing had I put you in charge of the hurricane and you saw the same gang that ruined my reputation three years ago when they ate cakes and twiddled their thumbs and did nothing to help my servants and then attempted to use the aftermath of Katrina to implement their economic Shock Doctrine? Wouldn’t you want to shake them up a bit?
The fact that the Republicans amassed huge rescue efforts on the Gulf Coast and scrambled to get most everyone out of their homes proved that the angel succeeded in scaring the Jesus, Mary and Joseph out of them. But then came the final twist to Gustav. Prepared for media victory, the Commander in Chief sat with nothing to command. Surely, some lives had been saved. But the victory tasted like defeat. And the angel was pleased. However, I have heard your plea and have ordered the angel in charge of the Hurricane to take a course in anger management. In the meantime, I would like to hear from you more often, not just when there is an impending disaster.
Write to me with your ideas on how to make the world a better place for everyone.
Your Compassionate God
P.S. Although I have seen and read all of your works, Sicko was something else. Keep up the good work, my son.